It's All About Angel

Tribute to Michelle Lee Ching Yu

2011-03-20T22:52:00.002+08:00

I found this article about her. She had left us ...

I am truly inspired and amazed by her positive attitude towards her life. She stay positive Even when she was relapse and moving towards her last day. She continued to carry a smile with her regardless what happen. How can she manage to do that ? It shall be the grace & strength of God that pull her and her family through. She did left a legacy behind. God had gave her a second chance to live. I believed during this 2 years , she had plant a seed of hope to everyone that knew her. God , I prayed that you will take good care of her husband and family. Comfort them and give them strength.

Living life to the fullest

By JOLEEN LUNJEW
jlunjew@thestar.com.my

To have death hovering over one can break the resolve of even the strongest person, so you have to take your hat off to those who stay optimistic.

The room fell into a hush as everyone turned towards the door. Although the blushing bride looked thin and frail, she was radiant as she walked down the aisle.

Cancer survivor Michelle Lee, 29, was diagnosed with leukaemia at the end of 2008, a condition that dramatically changed her life. While many might break down in the face of such a life-threatening disease, Lee took it all in her stride.

“Being diagnosed with cancer doesn’t mean a death sentence,” says the design consultant.

“I was lucky to have a very positive doctor who set the precedence on how I should face the challenges ahead. He told me that cancer patients have a much higher chance of survival these days due to improved technology. He gave me hope.”

Michelle Lee (left) was a healthy 59kg before she was diagnosed with cancer.

Lee’s diagnosis came about when she started losing weight dramatically from her 59kg frame. She was initially happy about becoming thinner but when she started getting mysterious swellings and bruises, her family became concerned and insisted on a medical check-up. This led to her being immediately admitted. Lee ended up staying at the hospital for two months. She currently weighs 39kg.

The diagnosis came as a shock since there was no history of cancer in the family and Lee had always been healthy. Everyone was worried sick, but Lee’s positive attitude carried the family through the difficult times.

“I’m lucky to have a strong, supportive family. They were much more worried about me than I was. It is just not in my nature to indulge in self-pity or to ask, ‘Why me?’ Just before I got diagnosed, I wished that I could have a long holiday so I’m very careful now not to grumble or complain. Be careful of what you wish for!” says Lee with a grin.

Although she’s casual about it now, Lee had to go through seven energy-draining sessions of chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant with her sister as donor, and a mini-transplant four months later when she suffered a relapse in which she almost died.

“I had to be re-admitted when I suffered the relapse, and I thought, ‘Here we go again’. After the second transplant, I was having some complications as my body just couldn’t accept anything. Whatever I ate, I vomited. I became skinnier and skinnier because I was on drips for three weeks. My doctor said I was one lucky girl after I started showing signs of recovery — he had lost two patients that way because their body couldn’t absorb the nutrients,” she recalls.

Not being able to eat solid food for three weeks was pure torture for Lee.

“I kept dreaming of food. There was one night I thought I smelt nasi lemak but I knew it couldn’t be. I savoured the smell anyway.”

Chemotherapy caused Lee to lose weight, feel nauseous and lose all her hair.

“It was a tiring ordeal as chemo is a 24-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week affair lasting two weeks. I was lucky that I was plump at that time so my body could take it. After I lost weight, chemo became very draining. All I wanted to do was sleep because my entire body felt like jelly,” she reveals.

Colleagues bringing her cheer while in hospital.

Besides the tiredness, Lee’s face swelled up, her skin darkened and pain was a constant companion.

“The nurses did a very good job hiding it but I knew I must have been a sight with my face all puffed up. With my bald head, I must have looked like a big round ball!” she laughs.

“On a more serious note, the pain was excruciating. I had to take morphine to dull the pain and to help me sleep. Sleeping was a relief, for then I would not feel the pain,” she reveals.

It was a struggle for Lee as doctors couldn’t tell how many more treatments she needed to go through.

“Unlike some other cancers where there is a scheduled set of treatments you are informed of beforehand, I didn’t know what the next treatment was. I couldn’t see the end of the long tunnel. That for me, was the hardest thing. Not knowing what was coming next.”

Lee faced further complications when her wisdom tooth emerged after the first chemotherapy session, leading to a nose infection and later a lung infection which restricted her breathing. Things got worse for her when she contracted pneumonia this year. Fortunately, Lee managed to fight off the pneumonia and her leukaemia is now under remission.

However, travel and strenuous activities have to be put on hold. Her immunity system is still weak. Drugs, needles and hospitals will now forever be a part of her life.

“Because of my relapse, my doctor is very cautious. He gets worried every time I get a fever. I felt very limited before as I was just confined to the four walls of my hospital room but I’m used to it now. I miss travelling for food as we used to search for the best places to eat,” she says.

But everything’s good now, and Lee’s only wish is to get healthier.

“I need to gain 10kg!” she quips.

The disease hasn’t got her down.

“Michelle has always been a positive person and a fighter. She is always happy, no matter what,” says Oliver Oh, Lee’s husband, with pride. “One thing I learnt from her is to never be negative. I had my moments, as the diagnosis was very hard on me. How I dealt with it privately is my own problem but in front of Michelle, I had to be strong.”

“Oliver has always been the emotional and romantic one,” says Lee fondly. “But he has been fantastic in every way, even sneaking in food for me. Hospital food is so bad!”

The couple met six years ago when they were working at Ikea.

“I was in sales and Michelle was in interior design. My pick-up line was ‘Can I borrow your ladder?’ I wanted to introduce myself but Michelle didn’t even want to shake my hand, saying her hands were dirty! But my persistence paid off when she finally agreed to have dinner with me,” recalls Oh, 26, with a smile.

After six years of courtship, and seeing how Lee was getting better, Oh decided that it was time to take their relationship to the next level.

“I wanted to move on to the next stage of my life, and I wanted Michelle to make that journey with me,” says Oh, who surprised Lee by getting down on his knees in May this year when they were dining at a restaurant.

“It was so unexpected! I thought he wanted to go to the toilet when he knelt down because he mentioned that he had a stomachache,” laughs Lee. “When I realised his intentions I quickly said, ‘Yes, yes, I’ll marry you. Stand up, stand up!”

They scheduled their registration for October this year and had no plans for a reception.

“We have used up all the insurance money so everything has to come out of our own pockets now. I need to spend RM2,000 for drugs every week, which is a huge sum of money so a reception was out of the question,” explains Lee.

Hardly a blue bride.

Then two weeks before they were to register their marriage, they received word that they had been picked as the lucky couple of Mahligai Impian, a campaign organised by the Association of Wedding Planners (AWP) and Sistem Televisyen Malaysia Berhad (TV3) for couples in which one or both partners are seriously ill. They won a fully sponsored RM100,000 wedding, inclusive of a dinner reception, makeup and wedding outfits.

AWP president and wedding planner Leticia Hsu says Mahligai Impian came about because she has had friends in the same predicament.

“They were engaged to be married when the bride was diagnosed with cancer. But they really loved each other and married despite everything. This is what Mahligai Impian is all about — two people in love and wanting to spend their life together. Not only does Mahligai Impian give hope to the terminally ill that there is happiness despite the sadness, it also gives the lucky couple the wedding of their dreams,” says Hsu.

“I’ve always dreamt of having the perfect wedding but never thought I would get it after my condition, so this is a blessing indeed. Unfortunately, we are not able to go for our honeymoon yet because I am not allowed to travel and we just can’t afford it. Maybe we’ll win a honeymoon competition!” laughs Lee.

When asked about the future and the possibility of kids, Oh says they will see how things go first. Getting Lee back to full health is the priority right now.

“I believe that everything happens for a reason,” says Lee. “I’m not sure what the reason is yet but I’m sure it will be revealed in time. I just took each day as it came and started paying more attention to living life. What’s the use of money if you can’t enjoy it because you’re in the hospital? Go do something that you’ve never thought of doing. You’ll regret it one day if you don’t.”

To those confronted with similar predicaments, Lee has this to say: “Stay focused and be positive. Don’t compare your condition to others as different bodies react and heal differently. There is always hope.”

9th February 2010

2010-02-15T12:29:00.006+08:00

I was awake at 2 a.m . When I got up there was a leak. I thought my bladder was too full. I then went to the loo and found some mucous and blood. And it kept flowing out, I realized my water bag might be burst. I woke my hubby and packed my things . We went straight to UH/UMMC . When i reached there I forgot to bring my blue card. The nurses said they need the blue card. I showed them my IC which they can trace my record. But they insist the blue card. My hubby rushed home to get the card. I was waiting there and realized that they traced my record and asked me to change to the gown.

I was there till about 330am , one of the Dr came to check if my water bag had burst. They saw some fluid in the vagina. The doctor took a long thingy to poke it and it broke. Lots of water was gushing out. After a while I was in pain .. every 5 minutes contraction. My back was strained and contraction. When the contraction end it was another cycle begin. The nurse told me the doctor that can inject epidural was in another surgery and he will come after the surgery end. It was horrible because I was exhausted from the pain and contraction. I thought if this goes on how can i push my baby out later. I was scared because no one is there with me .. except the nurse, doctors and other patients. My hubby was not there with me.

I waited till about 830am the next shift doctor came and put epidural for me. I was relieved and i took a nap. I waited till about 230pm. I felt something wants to come out already. I asked the doctor to check, he then said its only about 7cm .. then after another 10 mins another doctor checked she said 10cm already. the 1st doctor made a mistake. My epidural was switched off so that i will be able to feel the contraction and push my baby out. Later the doctor asked me to push when contract. I push for so many times and I am exhausted no more energy to push. Later doctor encouraged me by asking me to touch the baby's head. He was there but not out yet. I pushed again and I felt that he is coming out , I just endured and pushed with all the strength that I had. Then he came out, I was relieved at last my baby is out. Nurse showed me the baby and told me is a boy.

Then the doctor continued to massage my stomach so that the blood clot is out and to deliver the placenta. I lost about 500ml blood which was quite a lot. Then I had my stitches. After all this, finally I got to carry my baby. He is quite heavy and adorable. Then the nurse push me out, i was tearing when I saw my hubby and my mom. It was so such a long delivery and painful.

Thank God everything went well. And baby is healthy.
His name is Adriel Ng Cheng Ern
DOB 9th Feb 2010 430pm
Weight 3.664kg
Head circumferential= 32.5 cm
Length = 52

Now I realized mom is the greatest and can endure such pain. No one could imagine what I had been through in the labor room. Thank God , he was there.

Being Pregnant

2009-12-02T19:08:00.004+08:00

Being pregnant isn't easy. In the 1st trimester some people will have morning sickness. I had that too. I can't eat much , cant eat cheese . I will throw out. In the 1st trimester I ate those simple food such as porridge. When pregnant your hormon change. This will lead to changes in your physical body such as breast enlarge, change color of your nipple, tender breast , your body weight increased , your waist become thicker , sensitive skins, oily hair , sweat more, legs cramp.

There are so much changes be it in your physical or emotions. Sometimes you need to find a good sleeping position to have a better sleep.

In the beginning , its hard for me to get enough sleep. I woke up a few times in the middle of the

just to empty my bladder and after that I will need to take a while before i fall asleep. Then now , I will need to find my most comfortable position to sleep. I will need to cover my legs too to prevent leg cramp.

I need to change my wardrobe. Bought some new lingeries, some blouse , some pants. Its hard for you to predict your belly size by end of the pregnancy. Therefore won't be able to buy clothes that can fit from 1st month till delivery. I need to get some new shoes and also ladylike shoes. Those that are non-slip. Its hard to find modern mum wear and also modern comfy and non slip shoes.

But the feeling of baby movement in your womb its unexplainable and amazing. Only those preganant ladies know how it feels. And you will be amazed and joyous when you see your baby in ultrasound. There is this cute lil ones living inside you.

Now I am in my 3rd trimester. I need to get some baby products before the year end sales end. Because it will be cheaper. And need to get a lady like sandal/ slipper or shoes for upcoming wedding dinner. I feel tired easily nowadays. I can't stand for too long or sitting in the same working position for too long. Because at the end of the day I wont be able to lie on my back as it hurts. I am still working as usual in the shop. Clean and change water when I am in morning shift. A lots of people asked me if I am still working, I wonder why. I think its good to work and also I am still okay to work. Even when I am pregnant I still invovle with wedding decorations.

Maybe I will work till end of January and then prepare myself for delivery and buy some baby stuff or things that I need when I am in confinement.

My mom will help me with my confinement and also toilet training for my baby. I pray that I will have smooth delivery and speedy recovery.. My baby will be good boy.

30th Nov 2009

2009-11-30T18:44:00.008+08:00

My baby is 29th week and 1 day ... Today I went to UH for check up. The result of the test was good i.e blood count , blood pressure , pap smear , glucose ... I went for ultrasound too. My baby is 1.5 kg at the moment . I saw his kidneys , his legs , blood flow , head , lips , heart and also his gender. I think its pretty confirm that my baby is a boy. My baby is healthy too. Praise God.

Sometimes I am not sure if the baby is still in my womb because I didnt feel bb movement. But each time when I did my ultrasound, i know baby is there and healthy. It's just like faith . Faith is substance of things hope for and not seen.

Praise God that we found a place which is same row as my mom's house. It will be very convenient because she will be my babysitter , i will have nice food and soups every now and then. It's consider a good deal RM 1k come with 4 rooms 2 bathrooms , end lot, fridge , washing machine and air cond. My hubby and I had been searching for place to stay for past 1 mth and the house / apartment all were grabbed so fast like hot cakes.

I am stress over my financial . I have things to buy when we have our new place , for baby .. lots of things need to prepare before hand. There are bills to pay, car to fix , car insurance to pay .. everything is money and money.

I hope that I can take of my baby myself and work freelance or work from home. How I wish.

We are still thinking about baby's name . What to name him ? zechariah ? valentino since is due around valentine's or nelson jr?

At The Park

2009-10-03T20:15:00.001+08:00

Here are some photos taken before our wedding. We took it in park in KL

Aug 14th 2009 - Backdated

2009-09-28T20:53:00.003+08:00

Gathering In Alexis , Midvalley .. for dinner

My Uni Mates ...

The food that we had ... the cakes was superb ...

Unimates had multiplied .. with husbands and kids ...

We haven't had gathering for such a long time already. I am so glad that they can make it for dinner. They were my Uni mates .... Anissa, Yee Nee, Esther, Emily and Ni ...

We had a great time and catch up and also pas my invitation cards to them. They were very supportive and encouraging. I am so blessed to have them in my life. Thank you very much for the yummilicious dinner.

I wanted to write about this for so long , I manage to steal a few minutes blog about it.

Week 19th ...

2009-09-25T20:42:00.001+08:00

Baby ..

Baby is relaxing ... can you see his hands is over his head ..

Baby's leg ...

18th July 2009

2009-07-18T17:26:00.003+08:00

It has been a while since my last blog.

I have been coughing and having flu for more than a month. It was like getting worse so I decided to go to doctor. I thought I can recover without medicine. Praise God for doctors.
I am on medication and recovering . The fever seem like leaving me already which it is good news.

Recently my nausea and vomitting became almost everyday. Its just so tired and yucky. Praise God today I havent been vomitting.

We are in the month of July , 1/2 a year had gone. This year will be a year of adventure and surprises. So many things had happened, some are good . some are bad. Whatever it is I am still holding on and believing a great future ahead of me. So many things need to prepare by end of August. I am trying so hard not to stress up and take things lightly.

I dont like people that kept saying will support me from the very beginning. But all I see its just questions that being asked and keep stressing us. All we need is support and help to make things better or perhaps make things worse. We dont need questions that asking us why we do this , why we do that , why dont u do it this way. Actions speaks louder than words. Whatever support that you said you will give from the beginning till now I havent really see it yet. All I got were tonnes of questions. Why dont we move forward and make things better? If you cant support financially , moral support and encouragement will do abd bless us too.
We know that we are moving into God's plan.

28th June 2009

2009-06-28T18:02:00.002+08:00

Finally today I went to Food Foundry in ss17 PJ. I had been craving for the mille crepe for so many months. At last I ate it. It was delicious and yummy. The way they present their food was attractive. If possible I will upload some photos later.

Time flies so fast. Now we are moving into 2nd half of the year. Few more days left we will be in month of July. In July , I will have so many things to do. ON 21st July it will be one of the most significant date in my life. There begin my new chapter of my life. I need to prepare myself physically, mentally and spiritually.

I am so glad that I have Jen and "Fei" to give me some advise and support which I needed at this moment. True friends are those that will be with you through thick and thin or regardless whatever circumstances you are in.

Those are the things on my mind.

24th June 2009 - heart beat

2009-06-24T21:06:00.002+08:00

Heart beat ...

Do you know that when we are 6 weeks old , we started to have our heart beat in our mom's womb. Isn't it God amazing? He created human being. When ovum and sperm meet they will produce embryo, fetus , baby and us ... We are form by this 2 mini things. I was amazed by God's creation.

I don't know how to describe my feeling when I first heard baby's heartbeat.

Amazed ..

WOW .. Moving into another phase

2009-06-23T09:25:00.002+08:00

Today , I am taking a step closer to my new phase of life. I will be going to Putrajaya.

Sometimes , it requires a lots of faith because you won't know what exactly is going to happen in the future. We are taking one step at a time. But need to rush things and get it done by Aug. I don't want myself to be so hectic and stress because it is not good for health. Therefore I am trying to relax a bit. I am not sure along the way there will be any help given.

One of the thing that I worry is that what will my friends around me will react and say when they know about it. I know my Uni close friends will support and encourage me. I am not sure about others . Will they prejudice ? judgmental ? hypocrite ( in front of me like ok , but talk behind my back) ? All these it's beyond my control. I will be strong.

I truly appreciate George, Sarah and Albert to keep us in prayer , give us some advise and trying so much to help. Thank you very much.

Family support is needed here not only financial but also moral support. My dad's reaction was beyond my expectation. I thought he will lose his cool and start scolding but he didnt. He just calm and gave some advise about it. I love you Dad

Rainbow .... New Beginning

2009-06-17T20:09:00.004+08:00

Everything had come to an end. New beginning .... or perhaps new chapter of life ....
Now its the new leap to the new level of life and also need to increase faith. I am gonna trust God that He is in control and He is guiding us towards it.There are lots of new challenges ahead of us , but when we have God on our side , there will be victory !

14th June 2009

2009-06-14T23:09:00.004+08:00

Wow ... today had movie marathon. Today after church service we head for lunch in SS13 near A&W. After lunch we went to One Utama to watch movie and collect my necklace. Nel and I actually bought tickets for Salvation & Drag Me To Hell. We watch one show after another. It has been quite a while since the last time that we watch movie together. The movie was alright. Next time I wouldn't want to watch one movie after another. We should have watch one in the afternoon and one at night. I fell asleep in the 2nd movie that we watch which was Salvation.
After movie we head for dinner with Jon in Winter's Warmer, The Curve. It was an awesome dinner. I ordered grilled dory fish and it was cheap and nice. It is worth trying.
I had an awesome day. Now I am getting tired and sleepy. Good night ....

New Level ...

2009-06-12T18:55:00.002+08:00

I am coming into the new phase of life. I will stay happy , joyful , positive , love , hope and faith.
I will learn to love myself more and my loved ones. It's nice feeling when someone love and care about you. I don't know what exactly will happen , I will continue to cling unto God. I believe that God is in control.

There are so many challenges. As we are overcomer In Christ. We are able to overcome all the challenges as we cling unto Him.

Truly appreciate the help, support and advise ....

10th June 2009

2009-06-10T18:03:00.002+08:00

Today, my heart was shattered. I feel so dumb. I am not feeling well physically and emotionally.
Lord, I don't know what to do now. Please make a way for me. I pray for wisdom. Pray that I will be strong. I need Your strenght. I need You. I pray that you will come into this situation. Pray for your holy spirit to guide us. I pray for Your love to be upon us , so that we can love again. In Jesus' Name Amen.

8th June 2009

2009-06-08T17:27:00.006+08:00

White lies = lies ...
In any form of relationship if there is dishonesty , it will spoil the relationship be it in friendship, with family members or BGR. For example , you wont want to be friend with a person that tell white lies/lies, right? Lies can break the trust in relationship. Once trust is broken , its hard to gain back the trust. You will need to put lots of hard work so that they will trust you again. As for me , if you lied to me and broke the trust , you will need to do lots of things to reassure me again . I will observe for a period of time if happens again.

..................................................................................
When someone break my heart again and again, doing things without thinking of me again and again ... I will be hurt & tear... till one point I will immune and withdrawing so that I wont be hurt anymore.

I remember once I was in a relationship , he didn't understand me , different value system as he is non-believer, he cant lead me etc .. then I began to talk to him , there was no changes , we quarrel and I teared after we quarrel. He as if nothing happen. Then one day I decided to put a stop. But he reacted like normal still find me , call me and treat me as his GF , then I too dwell in the relationship because we didn't have a clear cut and stop seeing each other or contacting one another. One day I decided to have a clear cut with him. I made the right decision. He even called me and asked me to return a Winnie the pooh pillow. He claimed his sister wants it. What sorts of guy is that ?

.....................................................................................

I feel insecure if he is not consistent, he need to do things to reassure me , he need to put in more effort in the relationship. Sometimes I know he loves me sometimes I don't ( the way he does things) . To me accountability, openness (transparent), honesty .. are vital in relationship. I can't be in a relationship that didn't have these.

Sometimes I am confused .... I don't know what he is up to and what he wants ... sometimes I feel that he treats his friends better than me ....

In My opinion ....

2009-06-06T13:40:00.003+08:00

I got this from a blog.

Relationship! Alright this aren't good if you have a bad foundation on building friendship with one another.

A. Individual Doesn't know each other - Before becoming a Friend
B. Now you know each other but not really much - Friend
C. Trying to know each other well - Close Friend
D. Knew each other very well - Perhaps a BG Relationship
E .Commited into this relationship - Became Couples

What if you skipped step C & D, equals to short term relationship, a relationship that won't last long or maybe will end up in a big quarelling. Perhaps blaming each other's past, who knows?.
It's just way too long to describe about it. The commitments, requirements and other 'ments'. Learn & repent is the only words you can think of for now. Let God take the Lead!.

Everyone has their own past relationship. The couples won't dig their past relationships and quarell about it. The most important is that none of them carried the emotional baggage from their ex-es. And also draw a clear line with their ex-es , being transparent with their partner if they want to meet up with their ex-es or calling them. If either one are not honest about this it will affect their relationship. Is there is nothing going between you and your ex-es why can't you just be transparent about it. Because if you keep it and being sercretive about it , your partner will suspect your r/ship with your ex-es aren't over yet.

In my opinion, couples won't quarell what had happened during your r/ship with your ex-es but is how you treat your ex-es when you are in relationship now.

Even when you start dating and being in BGR( boy-girl relationship) , you wont know totally about a person ... you will get to know more when you get married.

Being in relationship is the commitment to your partner and to the relationship between both of you. If there is no commitment , then its not a BGR/ couples ... A person that doesn't like or afraid to commit us very selfish because he/she is worried that they will break the commitment. Isn't it selfish ? Commitment is your choice, is your decision. As for me , I won't want to do things that hurt my boyfriend or my relationship and I will always put him in mind before I do something.

Being in relationship , there are loads of things to learn .. Aren't it good if there aren't any baggage that we carry , so that we can love freely and enjoy the relationship to the fullest? Aren't it good if there is no one interfere the relationship i.e family , leaders , friends .. etc ... those are unnecessary stress ....

This is what I think ... how about those that are married ... wanna share some thing with me?

My thoughts ... HOPE , LOVE

2009-05-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

When you truly love someone , you will care , concern about them , about their safety , whereabouts , their feeling , what makes them happy , read their blogs to know their thoughts ...

When you love , you will want to do it not when others remind you to or ask you to ...

When I read others blog , I will get to know that person better. Sometimes people tends to share more on their thoughts and personal feelings over blogs.

Remember I told you that this guy prayed for me last year that I will find the ONE last year. I did found someone.Things is getting tough, I just want a simple relationship. ( simple means without any baggage from previous relationship that being carried to the new one i,e the soul tie that you have with your ex, still chat on the phone beyond a normal friend will, all this will affect your current relationship or your future relationship).

Things are getting complicated. I thought a relationship will involve only 2 parties, BUt I am wrong. Who else will interfere? Your leaders, both families, friends and relatives , All I want is just a simple relationship perhaps fairy tale love ... am I too naive? I know that God is in control. As this is the 1st relationship that we will pray together when things went wrong , we will seek the leader's advise. It is very different. The other day in one of the church service , some people thought if it is from God then things will be easier and not tougher. It's wrong. The devil come to steal, destroy and kill. He will find ways to destroy . I began to realized when we are a threat to the enemy, the enemy will find dozens of ways to destroy it. With this I will endure and hold onto God and believe and have hope, I will need to be strong for this.

We will face lots of trials in life, we will need to be strong and continue to have HOPE ....

Accident

2009-05-21T15:58:00.001+08:00

Past few days , I saw my friends on msn. He told me that he met with accident earlier this year. He shared it with me that it was scary and phobia for him. The accident involved 3 card and 15 people. 10 people died in it. The other 5 survived with injuries. He learnt to spend more quality time with his loved ones and his family. He cherish them even more now. You can read more if click the link here : http://miros-road-safety.blogspot.com/2009/01/10-died-in-road-horror-accident

He made me realized that its so important to cherish every moment that you have. Accidents may happened .. Live life with no regrets. Some people won't think so until some thing happen. Some people said that they want to take things easy , want to have more time for themselves, didnt't even care if the girlfriend goes home alone at night or whenever( nowadays is dangerous and anything might happen during the journey) for me all these are concern. You will concern if you love and care for that person.

Take note : cherish the people around you ...

Being Overly Spiritual

2009-05-18T20:36:00.002+08:00

The other someone was talking to me about why there are churches that always keep talking about being bless financially only. Why everytime when there is someone sharing praise report during offering challenge they will share how much they got bless financially.

Sometimes if we already have the mindset that this church talks about money and bless financially only. Therefore whatever the church do you will just think all they talk is money and money only. They are not spiritual enough etc .

As for me , I chose a church where I can grow spiritually. In CHC was where I met God and knew that He knows everything about me even the thoughts that I had. If you read my earlier blog on my journey with God , you will know it better.

I won't be talking other churches. Different churches have their own way on doing things. Do you think church leaders and christians are not human? Human is not perfect, they will sins too. We are not God. Some people fall , they are some reasons behind or something had happened during that time.

New Beginning - 17th May 2009

2009-05-17T19:32:00.000+08:00

Today is the new beginning for our relationship. We start everything a new. We prayed together and wanting to start a new. We will set our eyes for the future and not the history.

Whatever hurts, disappointments, the negative things that happened to us , I prayed for healing and fill us with Your love so that we can love each other even more. I prayed that You will help us , give us wisdom and knowledge to handle things or situation in our lives.In Jesus's Name AMEN.

Well , it will be a new start for everything in my life.

5th May 2009 - Visit to Dentist

2009-05-09T19:58:00.003+08:00

My first visit to dentist after 10 years. The last time I went to dentist was because of my braces that was when I was in form 4 or form 5. I don't like to visit dentist. I am afraid , in fear. Because previously I need to extract 4 of my good teeth in order to wear braces. It was so painful.

I went to the clinic my appointment was at 215pm. The clinic was having renovation, they then had difficulties finding my card. Sigh .. waited for a bout an hour it was my turn. I prayed while I was waiting. I need to do some scaling ( that mean cleaning ) my teeth. It took about 20 mins and I bled when she was doing the scaling and it was a little painful and uncomfortable. After 20mins , my teeth became clean ... lol... Now i really need to take good care of my teeth and prevent plaque to build up.

That was my visit to dentist ...

CNY - CG "Lou Sang"

2009-05-06T20:58:00.004+08:00

CNY - Shor TRip

2009-05-06T20:57:00.001+08:00

During CNY , I went to Ipoh and Penang . It was fun and with tonnes of delicious food to eat...

8th Nov 2008 - Alice's wedding - Hello Kitty Theme, Cyberview Lodge

2009-05-04T20:47:00.000+08:00

I didn't know how to go to Cyberview Lodge and worried that I might lost my way. I am kinda no sense of direction. Praise God , that my friend ( Nel) , he accompanied me. Without his companion , I might not even go. I was kinda surprised when he said he will be my driver. I am not sure why he did that. Maybe he just being nice , maybe he will do this to any of his friends, maybe he wants to know how I tag along with others, maybe there was some other reason behind... I didnt want to be over sensitive or think too much about it ( which I already did, perhaps I am worried that the reason will disappoint me perhaps it was not what i thought)

On 4th Nov, we went down to One Utama , to search for the shirt for the wedding. I wasnt aware of what sorts of style or design that he likes. We took about 2 hours to find that shirt. We decided to get a black stripe shirt which I thought was cool.

Then on the 8th Nov was my friend's wedding. I knew Alice since I was in foundation in Inti College. We were not in the same course. We knew each other through friends and clique after that. Wow i knew her for like 9 years already. We even thought of celebrating our 10th year of friendship next year. I only knew her and her groom in the wedding. It kinda bored of you only knew both of them in the wedding.

Yesterday, I went to his place at 3pm. He looked different in formal attire. :) It was pretty jam and took us an hour to reach Cyberjaya. And we went searching for convenient store because we were hungry. there is no convenient store around there. At last we found petronas and we bought some snacks.

After the snack, we went to Cyberview Lodge. He was being such a gentleman for dropping me at the main lobby and he then parked the car. I was kinda impressed. After that , we headed to the garden. I was clumsy and almost fell to the ground. He held my hands. I was kinda shocked. He held me for a while and I was shy because we are just friends "takkan" want him to hold my hands throughout the whole garden ceremony. I then let go and was more careful after that.

We were the earliest guest to arrive. We were taking picture around the garden and chat. Out of sudden , he asked me about my past which I never shared with anyone before. I wonder what he will think of me after he knew it. I then dug his past too... we sat and chat till abt 6pm where the garden ceremony start. I like the song they played when the bride walked down the aisle. But the guests didnt stand up as respect upon the bride's arrival. How sad was that.

She was so pretty and sweet with the wedding gown. They exchange their personal vows ( but didnt look at each other and hold each other's hands). The garden ceremony ended about 640pm. They then had their photo session. I was waited for ages for it. Nel was quite patient and he waited with me. At last , our turned for the photo session. We then headed for a drink. It was such a hot day. The drink was cooling. Most of the wedding thingy such as champange, the drinks were in pink. Alice loves pink so much.

After that we headed to the Cindai Ballroom. It was much colder there. The dinner started about 815pm - 830pm. Then the food was served. Nel served me the whole night. What a gentleman , huh. I was impressed with that too.

I was kinda tired. The dinner ended at about 1045pm. I didnt join them for their dance & drink after that. What I like the most in the wedding was their video clip. They did it as if they were doing some advertisement. I like when both of them were being interviewed. It was such a unique wedding.

The food in the dinner wasnt that nice and the portion was not proportionate. So we went for supper after that. We went to Murni for supper. Here was where he asked a bit more detail about my past which I never share before with anyone. I wonder what impression that he had after this. I didnt share much detail on it. It kinda hard to share in mamak, maybe some where quieter. Perhaps next time will share A-Z with him, if he ask. Sometimes I am worried what will happen next after he knew it. Will it affect our friendship/ relationship? Or even now when he just knew a part of it, what the impression that he had now? Some times I felt he is more open up when just both of us. He is like being himself when he is with me. I dont know how to put in words. Maybe I am wrong...

As a conclusion for this day. I had a great time with Nel in the wedding. I was glad that he was willing to come along to a place where he knew no one. We got to know each other more , we were spending so many hours with each other. i truly appreaciate him for accompanied me and drove me there. I was impressed with that and he was being such a gentleman, which I didnt expect.

My Birthday Celebration With Counselor Team

2009-05-04T19:17:00.002+08:00

We celebrated on 12th Apr. We celebrated Caleb's birthday as well. We went to Wong Kok Restaurant , Sunway Pyramid. I was so happy and truly appreciate for the effort and celebrated my birthday with me. Thanks guys ...

Kissaten - Jaya One

2009-05-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

27th March

We went to a japanese-fusion restaurant in Jaya One. It was a CG outing. This place was nice. Jaya One is a place that full with restaurant and bistro. It is a very happening place till late evening.

KK Trip 13th Apr to 18th Apr - PArt 4

2009-05-04T19:00:00.000+08:00

KK trip 13 Apr - 18 Apr - PArt 3

2009-05-04T18:59:00.000+08:00

KK Trip Part 2 - 13th Apr - 18th Apr

2009-05-04T18:37:00.002+08:00

KK Trip Part 1

2009-05-04T18:25:00.001+08:00

The whole trip was great. I went to a few places and had some delicious and famous food in KK. Kota Kinabalu is a place for rest and relax, not so hectic and jam like KL. I love the beaches , the restaurant near the beach. It was so nice and relax , I was like in a dream. But KK is very hot and humid. I was sweating non-stop from the 1st day I reached. I sweat the most for these few days. I managed to met up with Lawrence and Lynelle. We managed to catch up over dinner. I was like didnt meet him for exactly a year. And saw some familliar faces like Hilda and Belinda.

I plan to go to KK again. The next time I go , I will want to go to Island nearby.

John & Mae's Wedding - 221108

2009-05-04T16:47:00.000+08:00

This was the 1st wedding in our family. We didnt really know what are the customs and things that we need to do. Mom got advise from aunts. All of us had put our best effort to make this event successful.

MOM & DAD

They went all over to give the invitation cards, shop for the shirts and dresses, ang pow , tea pots, jewelery etc...They woke up ay 5am on the wedding day. They got themselves ready and went over to Tropicana for the tea ceremony.

SIS

Busy preparing herself , she was the MC for the night. She was craking her head about the script. She worked closely with John & Mae for the wedding flow. She was doing the slides and help out with technical ( the technical parts went hay wire)

Me - Angel

Bridesmaid , Angpow collector ( I didnt know till a day before the wedding-"kelam-kabut" . Ensure all the flower arrangements are done- I was super duper stress ( I only have 1 pair of hands - need to cover for my colleagues too)

Slept 2-3 hours and rushed to Royale Bintang to meet up with Mae.

So many roles to play ....

I went to the shop to collect those things that needed for the wedding deco and then rushed down to Crowne Plaza, reached about 1230pm. I was in shocked and horror because many items were not done. I was panicked and stress. I didnt know where to start. Praise another helper reached about 2pm. I was released. He helped us so much. We managed to finish the deco at about 5pm. I was having headache and no time to take my panadol. Too much things to do ... After the deco we went to bathe in the hotel room. Put on some make up and got back to the restaurant to be the receptionist. There were some complication during the ang pow collection and guest seating.

The wedding started at 8pm.

The flower boys, bridesmaid , buddies , sisters , groom and bride marched down the stairs with the song " Yat Sang Ngoi Nei Yat Ko" by Ekin Cheng. The buddy sang the song, and the groom sang the end part. I was amazed , I never heard my bro sings before.

The most touching & unforgettable part was the groom's speech. Most chinese wedding , they wont said anything about death / those passed away. Let us come back to his speech. 1st of all , he thanked his family members, then he thanked 1) grandma( passed away last year, she always pushed my bro to get married so she be able to witness it) , 2) Zach-their pet dog ( passed away ... they even thought he will be the 1st to march in their wedding) 3) Aunty Sally - Jit Wei's mom ( passed away ) she treated him like her own son... i guess ... 4) Xiao Meng's brother - taught him identify himself and lastly he thanked God ( I never expect he will said that) . During the speech , my tears kept rolling down my cheeks. The speech touched many guests too.

Lots of guest were amazed with the decoration and the entire wedding. Some felt warmth when they step foot into the restaurant, some touched by the speech , some inspired with the family bonding...

My dad was very proud of us ...

All the hardwork and stress are worthwhile ... unforgettable, unique wedding ....

Mille Crepe

2009-05-01T13:37:00.004+08:00

Ohh no!! I am craving for mille crepe ...

What is that ? Mille crepe is a French dessert, basically made by many layers of very thin cooked pancake. There are some custards and other flavorings in between the layers, usually presented in slices, kinda like Cheesecake. Mille literally means a thousand, but in this case, there were 20 layers of crepe that made up this dessert.

It is super yummie and delicious ... When you put the cake in your mouth , you can feel each layers and not all crumple together. I don't know how to describe it. You will know when you try it. Once you try , you will want more of it ....

Now you can get this from : Address:BG-8 Happy Mansion,Jalan 17/13, 46300Petaling Jaya, SelangorGPS: 3.123520, 101.634870Tel: 03-7955 3885

Just Couldn't Understand

2009-04-28T17:47:00.002+08:00

Is underground relationship a lie to others ? I couldn't understand why a mother will ask her kids to deny that they are involve in relationship when others asked. Isn't that a lie ?

As for my opinion , it is a lie because they are involve in relationship already and that's the fact. The mother is just being selfish to protect her family's reputation rather than being truth.

Is underground relationship a lie to others ? What is underground relationship? When you already start a BGR with the opposite sex , but when you are in front of others you pretend that you are not involve in relationship.

22 Apr 2009

2009-04-22T19:30:00.004+08:00

There were lots of things had happened last week. In a just 5-6 days tonnes of things happened. One issues after another. I couldn't cope. Someone spoke to me selfishly without thinking of how would I feel if things put it that way and how would it affect me. If you do things without being thinking about others wasnt that selfish? I couldnt pull myself together last week and these had been bothering so much because I couldnt figure out why they want it that way... sigh it affected my holiday.

Anyway , I am truly appreciate and blessed for your host. Blessed that you brought me around KK, Sabah.

Lord, I pray to released forgiveness because I was being treated selfishly and being hurt with the words. Fill my heart with your love so that I can love others even more. I want to let go what had happened last week and fill me with your joy, wisdom, patience , understanding and strong emotionally and spiritually. In Jesus' name AMEN.

Let bygone be bygone ... I want to start anew ...

Updates ...

2009-04-20T20:22:00.001+08:00

I will update on my KK trip soon ... very soon ...

Transparency & trust

2009-04-20T20:13:00.003+08:00

Transparency is important in a relationship. What is transparency? Transparent is see through. That means you will tell everything . It is everything that happen , in your heart. The other party will know what is in your mind and what you are up to. Without transparency , is hard to trust the other person. How you gain trust ? It is when you being transparent , reliable . Without these , how can you be trusted especially in a relationship. Do not let your partner to guess what is on your mind. Do not assume your partner understand when you just tell him/her small part of the whole story.

Just be honest and tell everything. If you are not honest , you are destroying your relationship.

Why ?

2009-04-20T20:02:00.005+08:00

People will feel disappointed when things didnt turn up as expected. If you love someone , you will think of ways to make him/her happy. Let them have surprises and make them happy and memorable. If cant think of ways , can do some surveys and ask people around you on what can be done. make it memorable not just like every other day. No birthday wish .. no .. no .. no .. nothing at all....

Why some people just think of ways to protect themselves and not think how other party feel? How selfish is that. Both of them are not doing anything illegal , they are not married to someone else ? Not in different race or religion? why need to be underground? When you tell others that you are just friends while you are in relationship , isn't that lying ?

Moody ...

2009-04-20T18:19:00.003+08:00

When some issues has arise , I couldn't figure out or not convince with the reason being made. My mind will fill with questions and that's why my facial expression will be like moody. I am thinking about the issues. How can a person thinking some issues , have a smiley face? hmm lots of people thought why I suddenly moody. I just don't understand the issues and thinking about it.

MY Birthday 13 Apr 2009

2009-04-13T02:45:00.002+08:00

WOW !! It my Birthday today ....

I am so happy ... Hmm but this year seem a bit quiet and not that exciting. I hope more surprises and celebration . Now its only 246am.

I had family lunch yesterday. I was really late and I asked them to start first if they are hungry. I can't believe that they really start 1st. I thought they will wait some how because celebrating my birthday. Hmm but no cake blowing with my family members .. how sad ..

My dad was angry maybe because I was late. I didnt tell him I will be going off for holiday . I didnt have the chance to tell him. I told mom and I thought she will tell dad.. He didnt even wish me or say anything about my birthday .. no gift too :(

Just feel that this year birthday is lacking of somethings and even this year also less sms wishes .. aiks is it because of economy recession ? or they are busy and forgotten? or I didnt build enough relationships with my friends ...

I wonder how Nel plans to celebrate it with me. With gifts and surprises? but till now there is no action being taken ... sigh ....

Hmm I cant be down over this ... I wanna enjoy my birthday . I remember how last year I spend time with my close friends, cg members , hmm I miss that ...

I pray that I will have unforgettable Birthday celebration. A memorable one as in a happy one ...

Thank you Father for creating me and letting me to know You. The greatest thing that ever happened was that I know You love me .

Early Surprise Birthday Celebration - 5th April 2009

2009-04-06T21:20:00.003+08:00

Last Saturday night , Nel said want to bring me to a new place for lunch in Damansara Perdana on Sunday. He said lots of people gave good comment and its a nice & expensive place. In my heart , I thought out of sudden he wants to bring me to a better place for lunch .. hmm so nice of him .. I will see what is it...

On Sunday , I was a busy because I was the PIC for counselor team and after service had community care meeting(CCM). Right after service I gathered my members , quickly prayed with them and made some announcements. Suki was like rushing to don't know where. I thought she will be busy with her children's ministry lunch. Nel was again rushed me he seem so impatient. He said he booked the place for 12pm. In my mind , wow need to book somemore must be nice and the food must be delicious.

After CCM , we rushed to Damansara Perdana. Then I remind Nel, that I didnt have money to have expensive food then he said he will need to go bank. When we arrived at Damansara Perdana , I thought he was looking for ATM .. I told him I saw HLB . Nel forgot to bring his wallet. My replied was that I dont have that much cash with me too and why dont we go back and take the wallet. He then said checked the place out 1st. We walked to Umaiya and saw the price is RM48++ . I thought we will turn and go back and take the wallet or go other place for lunch. He said why don't we check the menu inside. I was like "huh" . I just walked in since he insisted. Then I saw George, Suki , Grace and Jon. I thought they were rushing to some where. George told me he will need to settle something. Then I realised they want to celebrate my brithday with me. What a early surprise birthday celebration. At 1st I wonder when will my cg members celebrate with me , this weekend is easter everyone will be busy and I won't be around next week. I am happy though .. we had a great time.

Hmm I wonder when will he bring me to a special place to dine ...

Thanks to my fellow cg members to make time for this surprise. Truly appreciate it.

What Would It Be If Not For Love? - Part 1

2009-03-25T22:05:00.001+08:00

What Would It Be If Not For Love?

1) Accompany you to deliver the stock because you were sick and no sense of direction. Consequences that he beared was being late to meet his friends.

2) You hand in the stock in rush without carrying an unbrella. He waited for you at the door with umbrella.

3) You fell sick without cash to visit doctor. He gave your only RM50 to you just for you to get medicine and mc.

4) Send you to work , accompany you for lunch and fetch youhome for 3 weeks during holidays and whenever he can.

5) Share his allowance with you when you don't have much left.

6) Bought you a pair of tyres instead of his.

7) Purposely deliver dinner to your worksplace eventhough need to go through traffic jams and also had dinner plans with friends.

8) Accompanied and helped in an event. It started from 2am till 6am.

11th March 2009

2009-03-11T21:08:00.001+08:00

Nowadays I have weak immune system. What should I do? I felt dizzy/headache easily. Now with viral fever. the fever and bodyache are gone but still have on and off headache. Maybe because I have migraine, therefore I cant take some smell or heat.

I was not happy today due to disappoinments, expectation not met and words that being spoke into my life. We need to be strong , whenever we face these we are able to pull ourself together the soonest the possible. I felt I am different from a year or so ago. I was bubbly. I was talkative, I was happy most of the time , there is always a smile on my face, there is joy too ... what happen to me? I been analyse what had happen to me and what is the cause.

It must have been the disappoinments that I had with my friends and family members. Being hurt with words that they spoke into my life. Words from our mouth are so powerful , it can encourage / destroy someone. I didnt analyse then , perhaps I had no one to share the problems with. Everything was surpressed. I was like robot just fulfill the daily task. It was mundane ... Day in Day out doing the same thing , week in week out doing the same thing too. I didnt look into the issue and I didnt solve it.

Now , I know already .It was the hurts that I had. Now I am so vulnerable, easily hurt by other's words and actions, tear easily. It has been better after last week , my leader prayed for me. I felt a lot better, not that suspicious anymore. But still a bit of lack of security.

I will need to learn to let go and trust God more in the relationship. I want myself back. During the last church wide prayer meeting. One girl prophesied on me. She said that God wants to restore me, refill me , and God gave me assurance. I was a bit spiritually dry. I was blessed with the prayer.

Just now , I was blessed with "Hokkien Mee" cooked with charcoal. He brought all the way here to my shop in Ikano Power Centre. I was happy and amazed. I thought we will have it together but he will need to meet up with his housemates for dinner. He came all the way here just to pass it to me. He said this noodles is expensive because it contains love and care. He needs to went through the jam and cos him RM10 for the petrol. Is that love and care? What do you think?

I think it consist love and care and also effort. Sometimes we don't know how to express ourselves. I need to learn that. Some people care and they don't really show it because they thought we are mature enough to do this and that. Most of the girls like being pampered, show more concern, love and care or make her feel special compare to others.

This year my emotions is like roller coaster. When some thing happen, within a second there will be some negative thoughts in my mind , and it will make me tear. I will thought the reason he does that because he didnt care. I think this is spiritual attack. With my past experiences, I always suspect and think negatively that he didnt care or what so ever. I want to break that. I should quiet down myself and pray for forgiveness for that person for the things that he had done. So that I can break free from this. I will do this tonight. I want my joy , I dont want to hold on to it so tight, I don't feel good about it. I need to build up my esteem too.

Anyway .. the "Hokkien" Noodle lighten my day ... LOL ....

Tyre Puncture Again ...

2009-03-11T20:17:00.004+08:00

Sigh ... 2nd tyre puncture in a month ...
I was driving home using Federal Highway. I heard some noise , I thought why the old van was so noisy. After I passed the old van , I still heard the sound. Ohh no !! Not again .. tyre puncture ...

I was like .. how ? I havent fixed my spare tyre .. I called Nel. He came with his tools and he planned to (DIY) fix the tyre. So he took both of the tyre and we went to the nearest Shell station, planned to pump the tyre. It couldnt be done cos it was total lost...

We went back to my car in Federal , thought can use his spare tyre but couldnt fit . Sigh ...
He wanted to call his friends for spare tyre that time was already 1am... Then i suggest why dont we get back to my home and get the spare tyre from another Kellisa. We did that ... And we get it done and fixed by 2am.. We were tired and both of us headed home. Thanks Nel ... What will happen if without your help ...

Lessons to learnt:
1) make sure your spare tyre is usable
2) be alert / attentive when driving
3) if any weird sound came out from the car , stopped and check
4) don't drive too fast
5) don't on the music too loud

I got my new tyre already. Now will be more attentive.

What is care?

2009-03-02T21:15:00.004+08:00

Care = concern = something that interests you because it is important

In other words, you will worry about something that is important to you.

Being in relationship you will tends to care about the other person. You will worry about her because she/he is important to you.

You will want to know everything about him/her. How ? observe their behavior, read their blogs, read their facebook , you will want to find out more about this person.

Gebera a.k.a African daisy

2009-03-02T20:14:00.002+08:00

Gerbera can cheer someone up. It is beautiful too ...The meanings of gerbera daisies stem from those attributed to the general daisy family. These meanings include innocence and purity, and daisies are also a classic symbol of beauty. However, the gerbera variety holds an added meaning of cheerfulness, which stems from the assortment of colors available. An assorted bouquet of gerbera daisies can lift the spirit and sending one is an ideal way to brighten someone’s day. The sheer multitude of available varieties has helped the gerbera daisy become a favorite choice for many different occasions – birthdays, get well, congratulations, thank you, and more.There are many types of flowers which can help to express our thoughts and feelings for our loved ones, but the gerbera daisy and its meaning stand out as one of the most distinctly bright and merry. With its bold and striking appearance, the gerbera daisy has become the most highly-prized daisy variety. When you send gerbera daisies, know that these fresh flowers convey a deeply meaningful message and make a lively lasting impression.

Tulip

2009-03-02T20:11:00.002+08:00

Tulip is one of my favourite flower. It is beautiful and seasonal. Here are some information on tulips.Tulips originate from mountainous areas with temperate climates and need a period of cool dormancy. They do best in climates with long cool springs and early summers, but they are often grown as spring blooming annual plantings in warmer areas of the world. The bulbs are typically planted in late summer and fall, normally from 10 to 20 cm (4 to 8 in.) deep, depending of the type planted, in well draining soils. In parts of the world that do not have long cool springs and early summers, the bulbs are often planted up to 12 inches deep, this provides some protection from the heat of summer and tends to force the plants to regenerate one large bulb each year instead of many smaller non blooming ones. This can extend the usefulness of the plants in warmer areas a few years but not stave off the degradation in bulb size and eventual death of the plants

Mood Swing ...

2009-03-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

I took a few days of MCs in January. I felt vertigo. It was like the whole ceilling is spinning, the world is spinning. I went to the doctor. The first doctor just gave me medicine for giddy. I still had vertigo even after I finished my medicine. I went to another doctor. He went through a few test. And he thought might be due to stress. He gave me some medicine and asked me to finished it. He said if this continues need to have further test. I was kinda worried too.

During that time, my emotional wasnt stable. There were lots of thing that happen for example relationship , familly and work. It was really hard for me. I was easily teared and I was helpless. I cant figure out what to do. Thank God for someone that stand beside me, analyse and explain the situation and why they do things/ said in that way. I was getting better. I was getting better after I finished the medicine.

But my emotions wasnt stable beginning of this month till this week. I didnt have sense of security. People around me didnt give me assurance or even explain the situation to me. I felt that he didnt even think about my feelings . Moreover I wasnt sure where is my standing.

Every word / actions being spoke or react towards me will turned out to be negative. Everything seem to be so negative. I intrepreted everything into negative things. I will teared whenever I thought about it. It was my worst nighmare ....

I began to think why am I so emotion unstable ... Why am I so negative ...

Till 2 weeks ago , Keith preached about don't lose the joy .... I realised why I can think of so much negative things with only a word or an action. It is because of what I had went through in my past relationships. Every single things that happenned previously had affected me so much without me realising it. Now everything seem to be at the surface. Probably this year , this is one of the thing that I need to overcome and be mold in this area.

I am still coping with it. I will still have negative thoughts. I controlled my emotion. I will ask for further details and clarifications and I pray too. I hope he will explain to me without even me asking. I think I am afraid of disappoinments .... Even family members can fail you what more other people.

Now I am building confidence in myself and others. Despite the disappointments and hurt that I had experienced. Don't let the pass the grab my JOY ....

I want to be happy , out going and able to talk to others like before .. I want to tear down the wall that I had built over the year ....

I want a brands new start in March 2009 onwards. I had been very negative and down a few months back. Now I want to have my JOY ... I want to live my life with JOY ...
I am an overcomer ...

Counting Days ...

2009-03-01T20:33:00.003+08:00

Tick Tock ... Tick tock ... tick tock ...

I am counting days to 13 Apr ... .. It is a special day because I was created by God years back on that day .

I remember last year , I celebrate my birthday with my cell group members, my close friends, my college "zi mui" and family members. It was awesome. The greatest gift was that the special moment celebrate with them. The most shocking birthday gifts was USd 350. It was given by a friend known through multiply years ago. It was unbelievable.

This year , I want to have a memorable birthday . A birthday that I can remember when I am old. A birthday that spend with my loved ones ... not with a bunch of monkeys .. .. I want a memorable birthday .... I havent thought how ....

I think as we age, will want to celebrate our birthdays by spending quality time with your loved ones or those that dear/close to you.

tick tock ... tick tock .. tick tock...

Community Care

2009-03-01T19:24:00.005+08:00

Community care was launched by my church last year. I got a phone call last Tuesday from Lee Choo. She said I was chosen to lead Team 18 for the Community Care(CC). I was full with surprised because I thought they will choose the ordinary members ( non-leader). I only signed up for 6 times a year. I thought I wont be able to do it because of working hours. But my working timetable will reschedule. I will have 2 off days on Sundays per month. I can spare the Sunday to do my CC.

I was not ready when I was being called. On 2nd thought, probably this is God's idea and I will need to get out of my comfort zone to do some research and plan thr projects for the community work. I will meet lots of different people from different background. Perhaps this is one of the way to help me tear down my wall and start to love others again . I also have a few people that I knew are in my team. I believe this will work . We will be able to launch some projects to help the community.

I am now excited and worry. I am doing some research where can we start .. which rehab centre? which prison? which orphanage? which hospital ?

This will be a new start , a new beginning ....

If you have any ideas please do drop a message or even can email me at choongshin@gmail.com

Broken Hearted - part 2

2009-02-27T21:05:00.006+08:00

Some people will tends to speak without thinking that their words can destruct others.

Someone close to me always said things that destruct my life .. perhaps my relationship with him. How can a sibling said such things? His action and words will destruct his relationship with his family. I am so hurt and heart broken. I know we are living in such a world ....

But couldnt believe this is happening to me ... Now I know the real him ... maybe is his character flaw ...

I need inner healing ... There is so much pain ....

Lord , I pray for healing to be upon me ... I need the strenght and healing ...

Broken Hearted - Part 1

2009-02-27T20:53:00.005+08:00

11% in 2 years? What does that mean ?

Am I not being productive?

Am I not loyal ?

I didnt meet my boss requitement?

I am so heart broken when I saw it was only 11%. After 2 years been working with this company. When only left me and a part timer , I held most of the responsibilities and no one can help me then ... I was doing most of the work ... Get everything done ...

I felt so demotivated. I worth only 11& for 2 years , that mean 5.5% per year ?

Other employees got their increment when they tender resignation letter , the got their increment whenever they asked. Maybe I should have voice out earlier ....

How can I motivate myself to work here? Maybe I am not an asset in the company ...

They can treat others better than their own family member ...

I don't like people that boast and do not walk their talk.

I should plan for my future ... Just continue to endure for the time being ...

TYRE PUNCTURE

2009-02-20T21:04:00.005+08:00

Flat tyre= tyre puncture.

I had my 1st tyre puncture 2-3 years back. That time I was working in SS13 Subang Jaya. When I was entering the main entrance of my office , suddenly the guard pointed at the tyre and told me that my tyre was punctured. I was kinda shock. I then called my dad. He helped me change the tyre while I am working and under the hot sun. He is such a amazing dad. He just do whatever he could.

My 2nd tyre puncture was on Feb 14 2009. It was after work at 10pm. It was jam and I was tired. I just drove all the way till South Quay, Sunway. I stopped at the traffic light. When I was ready to go, I heard some weird noise and the car wasn't moving like usual. I stopped my car at the road side, I then went down and checked my tyre. I saw the tyre was totally flat. I then called Nel because he was in Rock Cafe , Sunway. Thank God if not I also don't know what to do. I haven't change tyre before. Nel came shortly after that and helped me changed the tyre. Thank you very much. I am thankful that it didnt happen in the middle of LDP.

Relationship part 1

2009-01-16T20:48:00.008+08:00

I always thought being in a relationship is a those happy moment, enjoying each othe company, care , love , and your friends and family will give support. I am a person that don't like to wait for a long process of courtship before attached. I will feel insecure because it just courtship you wont know that at the end of it what will happen. I will get confused too during that period. As for me , I dont like to wait for ages to get attached. I want to treasure every moment , I don't know what will happen next , what if either of us get into accident or something. Maybe I am too negative about this. All I want is just to treasure the moment that we have and do things together i.e for a trip , take tonnes of pictures ... I dont want to regret ....

But this is what I thought. Maybe I am too naive... maybe I am a negative person when come into relationship. Maybe I am insecure when I am in relationship.

Someone told me that he wont be able to cope with his girlfriend because she is older than him. And already started working. He is still studying but he will be graduated this year. He said he cant cope because his girlfriend dream to get married before 30 y.o. As for me , if I am the girl, I will need some assurance from him. Every girl has a dream age to get married but not everyone will married at the age that they want. For me getting married , not neccessary to be a very grand and all that. But I would want a church wedding. That's for sure. Not even neccessary to have banquet ... All these should be discuss openly with our partner.

I think sometimes beginning/ along the relationship we need some assurance from one another. Share the plans , share the thoughts about future. Not only your own plans , but plans that include your partner.

You Know What

2008-12-07T18:15:00.003+08:00

You will never know that God can work that way if you never try.

My experience …

Last time I didn’t have the courage and the confidence on how to challenge people to accept Christ. Few years back, I need to send one of the church members back. He had only came for a few times for church service. Actually his cg leader wanted to challenge him to accept Christ during Bible Study. But That day after lunch, we headed home. On the way back home we had casual chat i.e. is he new , how many times he came to CHC, is he a believer , he asked me how do I categorized as believer… I explained to him. My last questions were, do you believe? Had you said the sinner’s prayer?

Do you know what his answer was? He asked me back how to say the sinner’s prayer. I prayed for him. I encouraged him to have Bible Study. I called his cell leader and told him about it and hand it to him for his part. That was the 1st time , I challenge someone to accept christ and prayed Sinner's prayer.

Isn’t God amazing? I never thought that it would be so simple. I always worried about the right place, right time and also the preparation of that person. Well, the most important is God’s timing. It was the prompting that made me spoke/ asked him. On the second thought, after the incident, I don’t think I will ask him so direct. As that was the first time I met him. Now he is busy serving in Church and he became one of the leader.

We need to be ready, when the timing is here, we just do whatever is necessary and God will do the rest. If that I time I did not even try to ask him, I won’t know that I can do that and will just miss the time. Friends, you will never know how God works if you don’t try. Therefore just step out of your comfort zone and do it.

Prince Charming ....

2008-12-03T20:19:00.005+08:00

I had been praying for a while for my prince charming. Beginning of this year someone prophesy on me that I will meet my prince charming by this year. At first I didnt believe him, just toke as it is. He then said that you wanted to be worship leader. I was shocked because I had never tell anyone about it. If is not from God , who else can that be.

My Prince Charming criteria :

1) strong christian

2) mature

3) macho - so that he is able to protect me

4) can lead me in my life - spiritual, career , family , relationship , etc

5) kind

6) helpful

7) care about others

8) faithful

9) patient

10) selflessness

11) love , care and concern about me

etc ... the list goes on ...

Holiday .....

2008-11-29T16:03:00.004+08:00

Its been so long since the last holiday. My cousin kept inviting / asking me to visit him in Singapore ... I was thinking it has been almost 12 years since the last time I visited them. It was like ages ago.

I want to go to Sentosa Island. I love to go beaches ( nice and clear beach).
I remember when I was in Australia we went to the beach in the middle of the night. It was windy and cold. We were sitting on the sands looking up to the sky that filled with stars. That was really nice. I wish I can do it again.

I might want to go backpacking and explore. I am still planning. So many things that i want to do. I want to plan a trip to Perth as well.

I need some guidance and help to plan my holiday. I want to fully utilised my leaves too...

1st Wedding Event - Ishq Restaurant - Crowne Plaza

2008-11-29T15:18:00.005+08:00

I was super duper stress for the past 2 weeks. Having sleepless nights thinking about the decoration. This event was a challenge for me. I haven't done anything similar to this. I need to cover for my colleagues, help them to finish their parts. It was tiring and stressful.

I learnt a lot from this event such as :

1) who is capable to do the work

2) who just talk a lot and do little

3) who is willing to sacrifice and work till late to make things happen

4) team work is important, everyone has a role to play

5) creative

As a conclusion, thank God that we manage to finish this event on time. It was a successful. John & Mae appreaciate the our hardwork and effort.

So blessed ...

2008-11-28T22:20:00.003+08:00

I am so blessed. I just came back from dinner with my parents and sister.

Thank God that my sis made it because KL was super jam.

The dinner was great. I drove my dad home. On our way home, we had a long talked. During the conversation , my eyes were well with tears. It has been a long time since we spent quality time together. He plans to catch up with his spiritual walk too i.e going to church.

Throughout the conversation, I know that dad loves us so much and I am thankful for him. He sacrificed so much for the family because he loves us more than himself.

My sis showed my dad about the blog - " MY BELOVED DAD" ... I never expect my dad will read it because he never surf net ... he was touched and eyes well with tears ...

If a father on earth can sacrificed and love me so much , what more my father in heaven. That He is the King of The Universe ....

I am so blessed ... I dont know how to put in words ....

Apr 2008 - Month of Blessing

2008-11-12T01:07:00.003+08:00

Well , In March 2008, I started to plan to go Kota Kinabalu(KK) because I thought want to do something different for my birthday. I also worried that my friends will be busy and no one will celebrate my Birthday.

Eventually, I changed my mind. I started to ask my friends out for dinner on the 12th & 13th Apr. I want them to know that I am free on these 2 days because some of them thought I was busy.

My 1st pre-Birthday Celebration was with my South Zone on the 8th Apr. I was so happy as my Zone Supervisor cum Pastor & his wife were there to make this celebration more memorable. We also celebrated Keng Fong’s birthday. I was blessed with a card with personal messages, delicious cake and love gift. Thanks to South Zone because you guys made it special. I want to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you for your love, support and care. Thank you.

My 2nd pre-celebration is on 11th Apr. I was so blessed because I met up with Lawrence. He came for business trip. I got to know him in Australia. He helped me to move things and also send me to airport. He is a very nice guy. He is like a brother to me. I am so blessed that I manage to catch up with him. Its been years since the last time I saw him.

Lots of things happen on 12th Apr. I went to KLCC to meet up with Belinda. She bought me Genki Sushi for breakfast and also a lipstick from Lancome. I love it so much. We had a great time of fellowshipping. I was so blessed.

After that, I rushed to One Bangsar to have lunch with my family. It was organized by my sis-in-law to be. We went for Vietnamese Cuisine. We had our lunch at about 230pm. My sis and parents came late. We had a great time too. It’s been a while since we had our last family gathering. Thanks for guying me the lunch. I didn’t expect to celebrate with my family because they are busy with their own things. It was good.

I then went to Pyramid to search for the things that I want for my birthday because Wen Dee didn’t know what to buy. After searching high and low, I found a purse that I want. After all the searching, its 8pm and it was the time to meet up with Albert & Hannah for diner. We went for Thai food. We waited for Colin. We had our dinner at about 9pm. Wherever you have Albert & Colin , you can laugh your head out. They are super funny. We had tonnes of laughter that night. Thanks Hannah for buying us the dinner. We then headed to Starbucks to chill. Thanks Colin for the drinks. I am super happy that night. Thanks Albert, Hannah, Colin and Selina to celebrate my birthday with me. Even though they were tired, they still waited till 12am only go home. Thanks guys. I appreciate that.

Here come 13th Apr, It was Birthday. After church service, we linger around the church for a while. That day, we had visitors from Australia. I blessed one of them with a Cd. Within 15 minutes, Wan Yeng blessed me with a necklace that I like from Attributes. Haha I am blessed. Thanks Wan Yeng.. Then my whole cg went to Asia Café. I thought nothing will happen, because Albert need To take care of the visitors. After seated for an hour, the guys need to rush off, so then we had my birthday cake. After that , we waited for Albert. He came for the “Ang Pow” giving ceremony. I so blessed with the fellowshipped and one of the members stayed for lunch because she wanted to celebrate with me. Nakata gave me additional gift. She gave me a Janice’s CD that she bought from Hong Kong. I love the CD so much. Thanks for the CD. Thanks guys for your time and having lunch with me and also the Ang Pow. I love you guys so much…

WOW!! That night I had dinner in Dave’s with Albert, Hannah, Khen, Wen Dee and Nakata. They bought me the dinner. The food and the environment was good. After that we headed to secret recipe for dessert.. Then we watch movie. The fellowship was really good. I didn’t expect Albert & Hannah will join again. I thought they wont be free on Sunday so I made appointment with them on Saturday. Thank you so much ….

On 14th Apr, I managed to have lunch with Ah Wen and Wen Dee. It had been a year plus since the last time I had lunch with Ah Wen. It was a good catch up. Thank Ah wen for the food and her time. After lunch, I rush to work. To my surprise my colleague waited for me for lunch. I was full. She insisted to buy me cakes from secret recipe. Haha.
.

On 19th , I had post celebration with my close friends. We went to TTDI for Korean food. It was a really nice place and environment. They bought me dinner and a bag from Dorothy Perkins. We had a great fellowshipped and fun time together. We manages to snap lots of photos too. After dinner we went for drinks in TTDI plaza.

Then, on 22nd Apr, it was the day I bought my hand phone. I had post birthday gift. Someone blessed with money for my new hand phone Sony
Erricson. W660i. Well with the left over money, I bought some clothes for myself. I was super blessed. Ia;bert , Hannah and I for Japanese food in Zan Mai. Hannah joined us for dinner. Albert bought us dinner and it was an extra birthday dinner from him. Thanks Albert.

Then on 23rd Apr, I was blessed with KImGary by Aaron.. I had a good time with him. hE is a good friend of mine. Thanks Aaron.

April is a month of blessing. I was blessed with thrice Japanese food, Thai food, Korean food, HK food, Vietnamese and Italian food. I had love gifts, new mobile phone, purse from TopShop, sling bag from Dorothy Perkins, RM50 parkson voucher, Janice’s CD from HK, necklace. I was blessed with all sorts of materials, food, money. The thing I treasure the most it is the time, fellowship, love and care from each of you.

I want to take this opportunity to thank my family, South Zone, Cg members (S7), Albert, Hannah, Wen Dee, Colin, Lawrence, Belinda, Khen, Aaron, Michael, Jen, Yee Nee, Ni ni , Ah Wen, Chia Huey, Wan Yeng, Ian, and Dini to make my birthday the most memorable./ Thank you for the gifts, time , love , care , food , support, and fellowship. Thank God for putting you guys into my life. I truly appreciate everything that you guys had done and I love you all so much…

Hmm .. what shall I do for my next birthday ? I want another memorable birthday ... maybe will go for holiday ... :)

8th Nov 2008

2008-11-09T19:15:00.005+08:00

I woke up so early just to attend water baptism. It was not mine . It was for Fiona & Yong Loon. We gathered in 3k at 715am and waited for registration. I was happy and exicted for them. As this was their declaration. After that we went for breakfast in Wong Soon Kee , SS14 , SJ.

This remind me of my own water baptism in year 2001. I had it in Zion Praise Harvest Church , Perth. I was like super excited for it. A few of my close Uni frens came to witness this. In that church , we rented a jacuzzi for the baptism. I was actually afraid of being immersed into the pool. Before that, each candidates need to give their testimony. After the baptism , we went down to the city to celebrate.

GOD OF THIS CITY

2008-11-03T20:52:00.002+08:00

I love this song so much .... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk

How did this song came about ?

Chris Tomlin told ChristianMusicPlanet.comthe story of this song: "We were recently in Belfast, Northern Ireland for a concert. The night consisted of a great line-up of worship bands. One of the bands that night was local, and they were called Bluetree. Daniel (Chris Tomlin's guitar player Daniel Carson) was thankfully paying close attention when they went into this song, "God of This City." He immediately came to me and said that I had to hear it. When I did hear it, I knew that it was a timely song and that it would be perfect for the journey we were about to undertake with Passion. And after hearing how the boys of Bluetree wrote the song, it is no wonder why this song is full of power. Turns out the song was written in a bar/brothel in Padia, Thailand. When the owner of the bar found out the lads were a band, he asked if they wanted to play, and the Bluetree boys were up for it. Now that's worship leading! Proclaiming the grace of God in the middle of a brothel... Sounds a lot like Jesus to me. Aaron Boyd of Bluetree told me that in the middle of their set of songs, this song just spontaneously birthed. God put this powerful lyric on their lips in that moment… 'greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city.' They graciously allowed me to record it, and it became the title track to the current Passion CD and the name of our 17-city Passion World Tour. What a statement to proclaim in the cities of the world!"

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are
There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

[Verse 1][Verse 2]
There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come And greater things are still to be done here
There is no one like our god
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

Blogging ....

2008-11-03T20:14:00.003+08:00

I like to blog about my feeling , what I had gone through , how God came into tough situation. I believe that my testimony and the things that I wrote will some how inspired others.

I like to read other's blog too. With that I will get to know the person better ...

if you have not start to blog. Start now .. it's fun ... :)

Shocked - Peace

2008-11-02T18:08:00.007+08:00

In the early October, I discovered a swollen lump in my body. I was shocked and began to worry. A lots of things came into my mind, there are a lots of things I haven't done yet. I haven't realised my full potential.

I was so worried , I didn't know how to tell my friends and share my brudens with them. I went online to do some research and it looked like d lumps could be dangerous too. I didn't even tell my parents because they will worry about me moreover I havent get the confirmation from the doctor.

I was like looking at my insurance policy , if its enough to cover and etc. So many things on my mind. I calmed myself down. I will need to observe the changes 1st before proceed to the doctor.

During that time , I heard a sermon by PS Kong. It was on the "Fourth Dimension: Water Crystals". He taught us to speak positive things & visualize it. I thought I will put this into action. I began to pray and speak healthy body , restoration with faith. Praise God !! Miracles happened . The lump was no where to be felt. I will still observe if there is any changes this month. I knew I am alright. Thank God. :)

Things that I learnt from this incident :

1) pray with faith

2) speak positive and visualize it happen

3) time & tides wait for no man

4) live life to the fullest

5) do what you want to do now

6) now is the time

My Beloved Dad ....

2008-11-02T16:20:00.008+08:00

He is a man that came from Muar, Johore . He came to KL , I think when he finished his SPM. He was an aircraft mechanic. He worked almost 365 days a year. He worked in shifts, so I barely see him or even chat with him.

He worked with the airline; therefore we had yearly free tickets. I went to twice to US , few times to Hong Kong, Taiwan, Korea etc. He said he didn’t want to waste the opportunity for us to visit other countries.

I remember when I was about to leave to Perth for my studies. I hug my parents at the KLIA. The feeling was so comfortable and I like it. He is such a conservative man, we usually don’t do that.

He always said that it was God’s miracles that my sibling and I managed to finish our studies and went oversea for it. He loves us so much. He didn’t hang out with his friends because he thought that was waste of money and time. He rather invests his time to work and money in his family so that we can hav brighter future.

My dad has retired now. And I was busy with my work and stuff, didn’t spend much time with him.

Last Monday, I went breakfast with Nel. He asked me about my dad. He asked me if my dad is believer and goes to church. I was like finding excuse for my dad and myself because my dad is not regular at his church. He popped up another question. He asked me why don’t I take leave and accompany him to church. I was caught by surprised. I had never thought of that. Nel made me realized that I was too concern about my work , church , ministry and cg. I neglected my parents and my family. I am planning to go for a short trip with them. I haven’t go holiday with them for ages.
I don’t want to live with regret in the future for not spending quality time with them. Thanks Nel.

I love my dad so much sometimes I don’t know how to tell him about it. I love you DAD !!!

Passion & Hope

2008-11-01T02:13:00.004+08:00

Sometimes when something just started we all have the passion/ fire that burning. We will keep on working and working or finding all the ways that we could to bring your dream/ desires to come to past. This passion may last us for a while, be it 1 month, 3 months or 6 months. There are always ups and downs this include our passion.

Usually when we start something new or when we desire something new, we will find high and low to make the ends meet. But as time past, our dreams still very far away, our passion is died down a little. And then other things coming in i.e your career , other problems that you face such as in cg/church/financial/ people around you. Sometimes people may disappoint us as we run towards our dreams and goals. All these will keep you away from your goals and without your notice you no longer remember what is your dream or your goals that you want to achieve.
Now I manage to find solution to remind myself or prevent the distraction that come in my way. One of the ways is to put a note in front of your study table or the places that you will look at least once a week. Maybe you can list it in your journal. So that you can remind yourself all the time about the goals and the passion that you have. This method will be able to make you achieve your new year resolution.

How I Began My Journey With God ...

2008-11-01T02:04:00.005+08:00

I was born in a Christian family. Eventually I called myself Christian. I used to go to Sunday schools till I was in Form 1. I did attend the Christian Fellowship for a while then.

Few months before I went to Perth (2002), I felt that I want to attend church. I went but I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t stay in that church. When I am in Perth, my friend Daniel invited my friends and me for their outing in King’s Park. We all went and had a great time. He also invited me to their church. Since then every week without fail I attend their church and cell group (cg). I even started to take down the sermon notes.

One night in April 2002, everyone was in the house and we heard a loud BANG. All of us ran to the living room and we shouted for help. Someone was breaking into our house. We were so scared and shouted for help. We made police report after that. It was about 5 am when everything was done. That night I slept with another 2 house-mates. I insist that I will still go to church no matter what happen. I walked to the church alone. The church located in my Uni. It was about 15 minutes walk. I walked in fear. I was so worried that someone will follow me. After the church service my cg leader prayed for me. I got better less fear.

After that incident, I got the news that my friend passed away in Perth. I was in denial and shocked because he was in his early twenties. How can it be? He was so young. After his death, rumors started to spread ie. ghost and spirits in the campus. My house-mates were in fear. I was alright. I kept praying and reading the word of God. I have the peace within me. Praise God for that.

I just didn’t know why I kept attending church and cg. As I was in Perth, many friends asked me to join them for “yum cha” or clubbing especially on cg day. I knew my stand that I need to attend cg. Therefore I did not give in.

I was quiet person at that time. I just attend cg and church. I didn’t get myself involve. I was a young Christian then and I didn’t know what is serving about. Opportunity came; I had this chance to serve God in children ministry. The church involves in helping the kids at school once a week in their extra curriculum. I joined them in craft and gardening. It was so fun. I also then started to serve in cg making refreshment for them. That was least that I knew how to do.

My journey with God just started. After a while, I faced temptation as being involved with non-believer. I was in depression when I knew he cheated on me. He did not have another girlfriend but many. I was in denial when I got to know about this. My tears kept rolling down. No one can help me then. I was just so sad and lived in sadness. My close friends left me back to KL. I was perhaps alone and with my cg members. My leader said, you knew he wasn’t a believer, you shouldn’t even think about start a relationship. I then did not talk about this issue with her anymore. I was in tears all the time, even when I was in my lab class. My tears just kept pouring. I felt so lost and couldn’t do much. I can’t help myself calling him almost everyday. And he didn’t seem to care about me. I was in the altar call almost every week and cried so much. Thank God that He placed George and Sarah in my life. I talked to them and I knew from George that most of the members cared about me and worried too. I went to look for George and Sarah almost every week to chat and I didn’t want to be alone. I really appreciate for their care and support.

When all these bad things happened I wish I can delete all these painful memories. I sure can’t do that. Even months had passed; I still can’t let it go. I felt that when I am back to KL, I need to face my deepest fear and the temptation. I didn’t know how to solve it. I even thought of applying for PR to avoid coming back to Malaysia. But at the end I didn’t do that.

When I got back to KL in year 2003, I was still with that guy. I was just so naïve that it can still work. I was just lying to myself. Eventually I withdrew myself and the feeling wasn’t that strong. But still hold on to that relationship.

When I was in KL, I was looking for a church. My friend Daniel again, he was looking for church too. We visited CHC and also DUMC. Daniel wanted to stay in DUMC. I thought of following him because I didn’t have any friend that was going to church. I decided to follow him and moreover I didn’t have transport. Then Wen Dee called me on Saturday night. She invited me to CHC. I wanted to turn her down. I told her I didn’t have transport. I was so reluctant to go. She said she will arrange for me. I just accepted her invitation.

That service was all about speaking in tongue. I knew how to speak in tongue then. Therefore I didn’t go for the altar call. But Sherlene asked me to go for the altar call. I just went and stood there for a while. Pastor Kevin prayed for the person beside me and in front of me but not me. I thought he forgot about me. In my heart, I said it’s alright because I knew how to speak in tongue already. Suddenly pastor said I haven’t prayed for you he was looking at me. Then I walked and stand in front of pastor and the congregation. Then pastor began to pray. He said, last night you were reluctant to come but you are obedient to come. I was shocked even what was on my mind, he knew about it. He said God wants to restores everything. He will forgive me. He wants me to surrender to Him. I always compared myself with others, low self-esteem. Sometimes I have so much faith sometimes not. Sometimes I really believe, sometimes you think you should believe or not. He asked me to start to serve and you will know Me better, even though you don’t know much about bible. I was so blessed with what pastor said. From that day onwards I decided to stay in CHC and I knew I can grow in this church.

This was how I began my journey with God .....

Procrastination leads to regret

2008-11-01T01:57:00.005+08:00

I had this friend. He was such a wonderful person. As when I was still in college, he lent me his book and that time he was leaving for Australia already. I wasn’t really close with him. We were just friends. When I reached Australia a semester later than him, I returned his book. During that time, I always wanted to spend more time to catch up and to get to know him better. Even though we stayed in the same hostel but we never had lunch or tea together. Then one day, I received a bad news that he passed away. I was so shocked and in denial. He was so young at that time, maybe 23 years old. After a while , I accept the fact and I was blaming myself , why I didn’t spend more time with him and perhaps can bring him to church. I was very down at that time. And I realized nothing could be done. I told myself that this lifetime is short and unexpected therefore I will treasure every moment I have with my friends and family.

Then when I came back to Malaysia, I was actively attending a church. There was once my church held a church wide movie outing. I met my long lost friend. I didn’t expect to meet him again. Then he came to my church with his friends. I was too busy serving and taking care of members. We didn’t talk much. That time I still had the desire to catch up with him and invite him to cell groups and also church. I was too busy with my own things. I procrastinate week by week to call him. That day will never come. I received another bad news, that he was in a hit and run accident and he passed away. I was so sad. Why this happen again? I didn’t have the chance to meet up with him or even chat with him. I regret about it.

And this was the 2nd time, the similar things that happened. I was too caught up with my own things and procrastinate. In the end I didnt have the chance to share with him anymore. He will never know how I had changed from what I was in 2-3 years ago. Now , I really learnt from these 2 incident not too caught up with my own things.

There are a few things that I learnt:
1) Treasure the people around me i.e spend quality time , show care & love towards them
2) Don’t procrastinate; time and tides wait for no man.
3) Live life to the fullest and now is the time to get things done.
4) Spare some time for fellowshipping with my friends and love ones.

p/s: Feel free to drop a line or two after you read this story

A story of a girl in town

2008-10-25T23:27:00.007+08:00

A true story about a girl in town. I hope this story will inspire you. I was inspired by this....
In the middle of year 2007, my dad went for medical checkup. He found out that he has some fluid in his brain. And he needs to see the brain specialist. When I got to know that I was shocked, I search for information on the web and also from medical friends. I realized that it can be very dangerous and I might lose my dad. There were so many memories coming in, on how he had sacrificed himself for the family, how he provides for the family. I was so scared that I will lose my dad. What will happen to me? What will happen to my family? I was tearing every time I thought about that.

The most heartache was that no one in the family seems to care about his condition. The siblings were too busy with their work, relationship and also their business. No one realize that, it could be very dangerous. The 2nd heartache was that I shared with some of my close friends, and they just asked a question and two, after that they changed the topic. And no one seems to understand how I feel. My friends didn’t even concern about it. Maybe they were too busy with their own things. I just need comfort at that time but didn't manage to get it from my close friends.

The pastor of my church was very caring and understanding. He asked me to get help from another leader to take care of the cg because I might need to be there for my dad. But I did not ask the other leader to help because everyone seems to be so busy with their own things. I appreciate what my Pastor said.

I then asked God, why this happen to me? This incident has been affecting my work, my ministry, and everything. Whenever I thought about it, I started to tear. I wanted to put a stop of everything include ministry, work and other things. I didn't want to care about other things anymore. I just want to spend more time with my dad. I was struggling and didn't know what to do next.

When I was worshiping God in cell group, God asked do you really believe in me, do you have faith in me. I answered him by saying, Yes I believe but this and but that, all sorts of reason. Then He asked again, do you really believe? I answered Him , Yes. He said he will take care of it. I just cast everthinmg to Him. I feel so much better and lightened. After that, I was able to concentrate on my work, ministry. I continued to pray and believe in God.

The day for the visitation to the brain specialist came. Thank God that the doctor said my dad is alright. Even though there is some fluid in his brain but did not affect him at all. My dad is still a normal human being. This is a test of faith. Thank God that I passed this test and my faith has arisen.

p/s: Feel free to drop a line or two after you read this story...